Forgive
Forgiveness is an essential part of reducing our attachments to the
world and increasing our alignment with it.
When directed toward others, forgiveness is the process of ceasing to
feel resentment or anger for a perceived offense, and ceasing to demand
punishment or restitution. When we forgive someone we reduce the
separation and attachment that is caused by our feelings of hurt.
Those feelings are what bind us to the other person, and this is
precisely the sort of attachment that causes suffering. Anger and
resentment are terribly hard on the body's endocine system, especially
if we nurse a grudge over a long period of time. In that case the
suffering caused by the attachment can even be severe enough to cause
physical illness.
Forgiving ourselves is slightly different. As we mature and gain
perspective on our lives, we may come to feel that we have committed a
wrong against someone else. Our feelings of shame and
self-judgment for this can be very strong. If the wronged party
is not available, we may not be able to ease our emotional burden by
apologizing to them directly. In that case it may be useful to
formally forgive ourselves, perhaps in the presence of someone we
trust, in order to make the act of forgiveness more real. We
might speak the forgiveness out loud, or write ourselves a
letter. Doing this can remove what otherwise would be a serious
barrier on our journey to trust, love and acceptance. It's
important to remember that even though the person we feel we wronged
may not have perceived any offense, the important matter is our own
judgement of ourselves. The feeling of having wronged someone can
be every bit as strong whether the offense was real or imagined.
No matter whether we are forgiving ourselves or others, one crucial
thing to remember is that the event for which we are seeking or
offering forgiveness is in the past.
We cannot reach back and change history, in the same way that we cannot
reach into the future to arrange a desired outcome. All that is
available to any of us us is the present moment. The act of
requesting or granting forgiveness is always for our benefit right now. What we really
seek though these actions is a change in the way we feel right now, and
a change in how well we are attuned to the world right now.
Called "emptying out" in personal development circles, forgiveness
processes are very powerful tools for quieting the inner voices
that constantly judge our behaviour (and always seem to find it
wanting). When those voices are quieted, we can continue our journey in
peace.
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