Love
"There
is only one happiness in life — to
love and to be loved." — George Sand
"You
come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an
imperfect person perfectly." —
Sam Keen
There is no other human experience about which so much has been
written, yet so little is understood. Just when you think you
have it
figured out, the comprehension slips out of your grasp like a wisp of
smoke. We all know about
it, but most of us have the sneaking suspicion that we don't actually know it.
All too often when we try to look at it closely love seems to
dissolve into something else. I feel love for my partner, but on
closer examination it may resolve into equal parts of need, pragmatism
and a fear of being alone. I feel love for my country, but a
more dispassionate inspection may reveal tinges of pride,
exceptionalism, xenophobia, groupthink and deference to authority.
And yet...
Most of us have come close enough to love (whatever it "really" is) to
appreciate the intensity, the devotion and the sense of loss of
boundaries that it invokes. We all understand that love
truly is what makes life worth living. What is it, then, that
keeps us from actualizing this noblest of states within ourselves?
It is a truism that you cannot love another without first loving
yourself. If you do not love yourself then the love you feel for
anyone or anything else will be coloured, re-shaped, corrupted and
ultimately blocked by your inability to love the core of your own
universe -- yourself. And the key is that loving yourself is
possible only if you are aligned with yourself and your world.
As was the case with Trust, love must be based on a true perception of
the person you love and the ability to relate to that person
authentically. If we see them through filters, and respond to
them through programs, love is simply not possible. We may
experience a convincing facsimile of it, but real love is possible only
when you are in true relation to the one you love.
Since all love must start with the self, it follows that the inner
explorations described above in the thoughts on Awakening and Trust
will lead almost inevitably to the ability to love. First we rid
ourselves of filters and programs, so that we may relate authentically
to the true object of our love. Once we can do that, love
blossoms automatically —
the human heart appears to have the drive to love as its Prime
Directive.
We can not "create" love. We can, however, easily prevent it from
blooming. If we wish to have more love in our life our best chance
lies in removing the impediments to it. Fortunately, those
impediments lie within ourselves and are surprisingly amenable to
compassionate and persistent attention.
|